Read children's stories (short and funny)
"Knight and Horse"
Especially for the carnival, where they promised to award a prize to those whose costumes would be the most original, we made horse and knight costumes. As a younger brother, I had to be a horse. Well, at least I managed to negotiate with the knight so that he wouldn’t ride me all the time. We didn’t enter the club, but “moved in.” It was very uncomfortable for me to crawl on all fours; the holes for my eyes were on my forehead, so I had to make my way through the crowd blindly. In the midst of the holiday, tired, I decided, despite my brother’s protests and the risk of losing character, to sit on the sofa. He soon also “gave in” and sat down next to her. And then we fell asleep. They woke up the sleeping knight and his horse at the end of the evening to present them with a prize.
"Fun water procedure"
I dote on my grandparents. In the summer I often go to their dacha, where I always find it interesting and fun. One warm morning, I was riding on a swing, looking at everything around me. Soon I decided to go see what my grandfather was doing by the river. Jumping off the swing, he climbed onto the fence separating the yard from the river. Before I could finish the question “Grandfather, what are you doing?”, I fell straight into cold water. Having emerged, I noticed how confused my grandfather was looking at me and how my grandmother was laughing nearby. Then she explained to me that the fence was not secured; my grandfather was repairing it at that time.
"It's time for the seedlings to sleep"
The grandmother decided to somehow plant tomatoes, and her little grandson volunteered to help her. Together they poured soil into the seedling pots, buried the seeds and then watered them regularly. The boy looked forward to the appearance of the first sprouts more than his grandmother. When the miracle happened, his joy was indescribable. The greenery stretched upward and became stronger not every day, but every hour. The grandmother warned her grandson that they would soon transfer the seedlings to the garden, and the next day she saw that all the sprouts were lying there. “What happened?” she asked her grandson. And he answers her with pride: “I decided that it’s time for the seedlings to sleep!”
Scary children's stories with funny endings
"The Monster from the Can"
One day, relatives came to visit us and brought many different gifts from the village, as well as food for sale, including sour cream in a can. During the day I looked at it in surprise, thinking about how many people could eat it all. My younger brother and I were sent to sleep in the same room; towards midnight we woke up from strange sounds coming from the kitchen. At first it was a knock, and then a terrible grinding sound. It was scary to get up, but curiosity won out. My brother and I went to the kitchen and turned on the light. Then the adults came out to us. Terrible sounds came from the can. Dad, plucking up courage, decided to check it, opened it and a moment later took out our cat Vaska, all wet and white with sour cream. Needless to say, I was awaiting a reprimand for not looking at the sour cream during the day and closing the can without noticing that our purring dog was feasting on it.
“So this is the meeting”
One night our grandmother went to the restroom. She decided not to turn on the light in the corridor, so she moved forward, not relying on her poor eyesight, stretching her arms forward. Suddenly she came across something warm, large and velvety, which should not have been in front of her. Frightened, the grandmother screamed throughout the apartment. Mom and I jumped up, ran out into the corridor, turned on the light and saw a frightened grandmother and father in front of us. Dad later said that it wasn’t only Granny who was screaming, he also screamed when he felt someone’s icy hands on his shoulders.
"Furry Ghost"
When I was little, my older friends decided to play a trick on me, scare me with scary stories. After that, I didn’t sleep all night, listening to all the sounds in the pitch darkness, but, to be honest, I didn’t hear anything. In the morning, as I was getting ready to leave the room, I heard a suspicious rustling behind the door. The scary stories told by my friends immediately surfaced in my mind, but there was nowhere to go, I couldn’t continue sitting in the room. Grabbing a plastic toy stick, I sharply opened the door and saw in front of me my cat, with his front paws and muzzle stuck in a slipper, sliding in this position in a game that only he could understand on the floor.
Ksenia Dragunskaya. "Barbosny the Cat"
Drawing by N. Salienko
Kind, filled with soft, even affectionate humor, the stories of Ksenia Dragunskaya are written in her own, unique and recognizable manner from the first words. But they reflect the work of her famous father, Viktor Dragunsky. And if we talk about traditions, then, of course, there is a tangible tradition of life-affirming, kind creativity that gives joy to readers. Like, for example, this funny fairy-tale-parable story.
Around the main line - conversations between an old cat and his great-great-grandson, wonderful details flash like stars that decorate the story and give impetus to children's imagination. Forester Alexey Yurievich is taking a census of the “population of the surrounding area” and trying to find out from Barbosny the Cat who he really is - a cat or a watchdog (if you read the book with illustrations by Nadezhda Bugoslavskaya, pay attention to the delicate humor and warmth with which she portrays the cute “kotops” ). Or, in the ears of Barbosny the Cat, little frogs and butterflies are hiding from the cold, and that’s why he hears almost nothing: “They are all rustling and croaking there. But I can’t drive them out - because they’ll freeze in the wind.” Or here’s a rational proposal made by a great-great-grandson: let Grandpa Barbosny listen... with his nose, and smell... with his ears! Young readers who adore such shifters (as noted by Chukovsky and Marshak) will be delighted! “This flower smells wonderful! - said grandfather. “When you smell it with your ears, everything smells much nicer.”
But the most important thing is the advice that Barbosny the Cat gives to his descendant. The kitten fell in love with “one little cat girl” and, out of excess of feelings, bit her tail, so that she climbed up a tree and could not get down. “When you love someone,” says Barbosny the Cat, “you don’t have to bite him. Otherwise, this someone will not understand that you love him. It's better to give something to the one you love. Just not unnecessary, but tasty and beautiful.”
This is such a charming, funny, instructive and moderately paradoxical story.
6.
Funny stories about a leader in a children's group
"Coincidence"
At an open lesson, junior school graduates answered various questions from the teacher in the presence of proud parents. The lesson was devoted to the theme of friendship, team cohesion, one of the questions was: “Children, what unites you all?” The kids, thinking about what they had in common, hesitated, and eventually the main activist of the class raised her hand. Pleased with herself, she stood up and declared: “We were all born in the year of the Monkey,” and then added something that made all the adults laugh: “Marya Ivanovna, just think what a coincidence this is.”
"Bad idea"
It happened in high school. At the last lesson, the teacher told us that she needed to go to the teacher and if she did not return after 15 minutes, we could go home. As soon as it came out, our main ringleader came up with a “brilliant idea,” which we all unanimously picked up. So we started holding the door so that if the teacher returned early, he couldn’t get into the class. As they knew that this would happen, the teacher came and began to pull the door handle after about 5 minutes. When she finally got to class, our “15 minutes have passed, good luck!” did not work. We were all left after school to wait for our parents, who were called by the teacher to have a serious conversation about our behavior.
"Helpers"
School, 3rd grade. Sasha became sad and sat down at his desk during the big break, lowering his head sadly. His classmate Dima noticed this and decided to find out the reason for his bad mood. As it turned out, Sasha was sad because of mathematics, the next lesson, in which he could not get a good grade. Dima decided to convene the whole class to collectively help his friend “pull up” a subject that was difficult for him. There was enough time to solve one problem, chosen at random from the textbook. During the lesson, Sasha was called to the blackboard, the teacher asked him to solve the same problem that he and the class had been working on during recess. As a result, the boy still received a bad grade; the problem was solved incorrectly. This didn’t upset Sasha very much, he said: “1 point was enough for me, but give the second point to the class.”
Funny stories from kindergarten
Kindergarten stories cannot but cause a smile, and sometimes uncontrollable laughter. See for yourself by reading the following funny stories:
"You can't fool children"
We invited parents to a New Year's party in kindergarten. All the kids in festive outfits next to the Christmas tree were looking forward to the main thing - the visit of Father Frost and the Snow Maiden. And so, having waited for this moment, they fell silent and stared at the fairy-tale hero with suspicion. He told them in a “menacing” voice:
-Children, do you know who I am?
They answer in unison:
- Yes!
- Well, who am I?
- Marya Ivanovna!
The parents laughed for a long time after that.
"No change"
A mother picks up her daughter from kindergarten and asks her:
- Nastenka, how was your day in the garden?
“It’s bad, mom, Vika hit me.”
– Did you hit her back?
She, after a little hesitation, answers:
- I didn’t have any money with me.
"Everyone understands the word"
During a lesson in the senior group, the teacher says to the children:
– Children, today we will talk about etiquette. Do you know what this is?
A whole forest of hands grew in front of her.
The teacher thought to herself: “What smart kids,” then she said:
- And what is it?
The children answer almost unanimously:
- Cat food!
"Dream Role"
The teacher prepares the children for the matinee and addresses the kids:
- Boys, you will be gnomes with us, and you girls will be beads.
One girl begins to sob, shedding a tear:
- I don’t want to be a bead.
-And who do you want to be?
She sobbingly answers: A man!
Stanislav Vostokov. "Booby"
From the collection “Rowan Sun”
Residents of a tiny village, nestled right next to Moscow, are forced to wake up every night from the howling of a dog named Balbes, who was bought by the local store salesman Timofeev. How will the villagers react to the violator of the night silence? The reaction will be unexpected and will make you smile and think.
There is a lot of funny and touching in the story. What is the value of the word “distinguished”, coined by Vostokov! “Almost every yard in our village had a dog... In the end, Timofeev decided to be special.” What about the neighbors' reaction to a dog's howling at night? Anna Petrovna, the closest neighbor, thinking that Timofeev is torturing the poor animal, threatens to write a complaint, and after making sure that nothing threatens the Goonie, she advises him to take him to the veterinarian. And other villagers convince Timofeev of this. Not only because “our village is developing a chronic lack of sleep.” But because I feel sorry for the dog.
The denouement, as often in Vostokov’s works, is amusingly paradoxical. The veterinarian determined that Goonie has a “speech defect”: “He doesn’t know how to bark, but instead howls.” And the whole village becomes imbued with sympathy for the unusual dog, feeds it and treats the night howl with understanding. After all, he is the one who barks like that, doing his duty! And when Balbes with a monstrous howl drove away the thieves who were planning to break into Timofeev’s store at night, the respect of the villagers knew no bounds! The policeman who came to investigate even asked to sell him the dog, but Timofeev did not agree. After all, this may be the only dog with a “speech defect”!
A funny story about an unlucky creature, as it seems at first, not only makes you laugh, but also teaches you not to judge anyone by strange and unpleasant, at first glance, manifestations. Things may turn out to be much more complicated. And more interesting.
5.
Funny stories from the lives of young children
"Smoked salmon"
Mother teaches child how to read correctly. He was not good at reading, and he constantly skipped classes - either to the toilet, to eat, or to rest. So mom decided to make it more fun and interesting. They started going to the cafe. Where is the reading here? And this is where the most interesting part comes in. They didn’t just buy anything for the child in order to “earn” a treat; he had to read its name. Of course, the smart mother took her child to different cafes so that he could not learn the name of one dish. Everything was fine until one moment. One day the boy said that he wanted “finished salmon.” For several minutes the whole cafe looked at the mu-mu with a face twisted with shame, the waiter holding back his laughter and the child who did not understand anything. It turned out he just wanted smoked salmon pizza.
"Give me your finger"
The father shows his daughter an ancient trick - he “rips off” his finger. The daughter asks: “How do you do this?” Dad shows the trick again - the daughter still doesn’t understand: - Look, I’m showing it for the last time. The father does the trick again, and the daughter says: “Stop!” Show me the severed finger.
"Sacrificial Animal"
One day, the kindergarten teacher was playing a regular game, taking pictures of animals and asking about each one: “What is this animal useful for?” This time she took out the chicken card. All the children began to answer very logical options: - Feathers. They stuff pillows with them - We eat scrambled eggs for breakfast. Isn't it made from chicken too? - But we recently fried kebabs, my mother said that they were chicken. One girl distinguished herself more: - Exactly! I have remembered! My parents and I watched a movie where chickens were sacrificed!
"Lifetime Cross"
My friend has a son. He is 3 years old. She became pregnant and, when she was admitted to the maternity hospital, her son was sent to his grandmother. It so happened that he did not arrive when his friend was being taken away and, accordingly, he saw his sister already at home. I was there too, we celebrated the baby’s first birthday. The son ran around with other children and played, and then approached his mother and asked: “Mom, there’s some new girl there.” Where are her parents?
"Pirate"
I have a son, he is almost 4 years old. He is kind and almost never plays pranks. It was Sunday, about 9 o'clock in the afternoon, and I had just woken up. I lie with my eyes closed and realize that someone is poking me in the eye. The feeling was not pleasant, so the whole dream went away immediately, and I opened my eyes. It turned out that it was his son. I ask: “What are you doing?” Stop doing that! - Mom, don’t be angry, I read about pirates, they’re so cool. I want you to be a pirate too, and I to be your cabin boy
"Good Child"
I have a daughter, and for some reason she never liked fairy tales. She doesn't read and doesn't listen. She asked her husband to read something to her, gave her a book by the Brothers Grimm, and went into the kitchen. It was already late in the evening, and I was going to go to bed, at the same time checking on the progress in instilling culture in the younger generation. I hear my husband’s voice from the room: “Okay, okay, the birds pecked out their eyes. I think what they’re reading there, I asked you to be gentler.” Now the child will not sleep, he will have nightmares. I’m already running into the room, when suddenly I hear an answer from my kind daughter: “Wow.” This is how you should read fairy tales, I will never believe that they turned out to be good.
"Such women..."
My husband and I wanted to go to the seaside, but we understood that our five-year-old son would not survive a long trip. Therefore, it was decided to leave him with my mother. She is a strict but fair woman. We had a great rest, we return home, take grandma, and sit down at the table. I started asking my son how it all went. He says: “Oh-oh-oh, I almost died.” He would soon have run away from home. Where did you find such a woman?
"Communal payments"
There is one song by Alla Pugacheva, which was played on the radio when I was a child. It's called "Debtor". So, until today I heard the following lines there: “You owe me for gas, you owe me for light.” I was constantly wondering what this had to do with it. Every time I heard it as a child, I fell into thoughts about how love and housing and communal services are connected. Today I realized that the lyrics of the song are not about gas and electricity, but about sunset and dawn...
"Sweet tooth"
I know from my own experience what happens to teeth from the abundance of sweets, chocolates and other sweets. That's why I struggle with using them. One day I bought a large bag of sweets for tea - we had run out at home. So my son found them, and when I saw it, he ate almost half the bag. I ask: “Why did you take the candy?” - Because there are hands. You can't argue with that...
"Love"
My daughter is 4 years old and goes to kindergarten. I pick her up as usual, we are late for an appointment with the hairdresser, and she is looking somewhere. I tell her: “Come on quickly, stop looking.” She replies: “Yes, wait.” I won’t see Nikita until tomorrow, let me just admire him
"Pigeons"
I have a very inquisitive son, he answers all questions himself, and then checks his guesses. Sunday evening. We sit on a bench with a loaf of bread, throwing crumbs to the pigeons. The son was silent for a long time, about 15 minutes, lost in thought. I ask: “What are you thinking about?” He answers: “I look at the pigeons, they are all shaking their heads.” Do you know why? To support my son, I decide to ask his opinion: “No, I never thought about it.” Why do you think? – I think they have little feather headphones, and they play such cool music right into their heads. Now I want to be a dove too!
"Father Frost"
My daughter is 8 years old, and she is now at the stage where she doesn’t yet know that we put gifts under the tree, but she is already starting to ask tricky questions about Santa Claus. And now, another New Year has passed, she walked around thoughtfully all week, my husband and I already thought that something had happened. I ask: Did you like the gift from Santa Claus? - It’s a good gift, but I’m thinking that Santa Claus can’t fly around the whole Earth alone. Who is helping him? - Of course, elves. He has an elf in every house, he comes to the secret distribution of gifts and then puts them under the tree. - A-a-a-a, I understand. Our dad is an elf!
Yuri Koval. "Hack"
From the collection “Clean Dor”
Chisty Dor is a village in the Vologda region, where Yuri Koval often lived. Its inhabitants are the heroes of the series of stories of the same name (their action takes place in the 60s of the 20th century). Of these, the author’s favorite are the simple-minded and kind-hearted Uncle Zui and his granddaughter Nyurka. The story is only a page long, but a whole tragicomic performance unfolds before the reader. At the beginning of winter, Uncle Zui went into the forest to get a stack of hay that he had swept away in the summer. The cow needs to be fed. Uncle Zui showed ingenuity: in the summer he placed the haystack directly on the sleigh: this way it would be more convenient to take it out of the forest in winter. And so the old man brought a haystack home, and his neighbor Pantelevna noticed to him that he had some kind of strange load. “Uncle Zui looked and sat down in the snow as he stood. Some kind of terrible, crooked and shaggy muzzle stuck out from the cart - a bear!” Koval describes the behavior of an awakened bear in a hilariously funny way. He does not show aggression at all, but, falling out of the haystack, out of surprise, grabs the snow in his teeth and lets it run into the forest. And Uncle Zuy, out of fear, probably shouts after him: “Hold him, Pantelevna!” The gathered neighbors are sedately discussing the incident: “What a den he came up with for himself - Zuev’s haystack!” Koval good-naturedly laughs at the main characters of this funny episode. Both the bear and Uncle Zui are at first very pleased with their ingenuity. The bear found an original place to hibernate, Uncle Zui optimized his work. As a result, the bear will have to look for a new “apartment”, and Uncle Zuy, who in Pantelevna’s eyes looks like a hero (“How come he didn’t bite you, Zuyushko?”), is forced to summarize: “Now he will stink the hay with bear meat. A cow probably wouldn’t even put it in its mouth.”
It turned out to be a real anecdote.
3.
Children's funny stories: listen online for free
Funny stories are adored by all children. True, not always children and their parents have the opportunity to read them. In such cases, fortunately, you can resort to a good alternative. You can listen to funny stories, which is convenient, not only on the road, but also under some circumstances at home. On the Internet you can find many funny “life” stories and popular voiced works of fiction. Among them, beloved by millions, are “If I were an adult” by V. Yu. Dragunsky, “The Living Hat” by N. N. Nosov, “The Secret Becomes Revealed” by V. Yu. Dragunsky, “Vasya the Coward” by M. M. Zoshchenko, “ New Adventures of Pif" by Oster G.B., "The Enchanted Letter" by Dragunsky V.Yu., "A Kitten Named Woof" by Oster G.B., "Four Wishes" by Ushinsky K.D.
Of course, listening to books cannot completely replace reading them, but it is useful for the child. The listened text can be discussed, which is not only a method of checking its understanding, but also a way of developing active speech and establishing emotional contact between the parent and his baby.
Directly while working with an audio recording, children will have the opportunity to build a plot line in their minds, imagine the events discussed in the story, getting involved in them with the same emotionality that is observed when perceiving the text while reading it, when watching animated films. The value of listening carefully to funny stories should not be underestimated.
Nikolay Nosov. "Mishkina porridge"
The stories of Nikolai Nosov are classics of Russian children's literature of the twentieth century. Funny, educational, and very well written. “Mishkina Porridge” is one of Nosov’s most beloved stories by many generations. You will never get tired of re-reading it.
The hero-storyteller and his friend Mishka are left alone at the dacha for two days: mother went to the city on business. When leaving, mom tells the kids to make themselves some soup and porridge. Self-confident Mishka reassures a friend who doubts his culinary abilities: “Don’t worry! I saw my mother cooking... I’ll cook such porridge that you’ll lick your fingers!” Nikolai Nosov describes colorfully and with humor how the porridge cooked by the would-be cooks turned out. The cooking process itself, and especially the dialogue between the boys, evokes sincere laughter. The guys were busy cooking all night. Trying to draw water from the well, they drowned a bucket and a kettle in it (Mishka suggested drawing water with a samovar, but the more reasonable narrator stopped him). An attempt to fry the minnows that the guys caught during the day was also unsuccessful - they almost started a fire. In the morning, hungry cooks searched the whole house in search of at least some food.
“We tried to chew raw cereal - it was disgusting. We tried raw onions - it was bitter. We tried to eat butter without bread - it was sickening. We found a jam jar. Well, we licked her and went to bed...” The owner of the dacha saves the children from hunger the next morning by feeding them plenty of breakfast. And in gratitude they weed out the weeds in her garden.
Readers will laugh heartily at the boys’ misadventures, but will also be amazed by several facts. Firstly, the mother calmly leaves her son and his friend at the dacha for two days and goes to the city on business. Secondly, the boys light the stove themselves. 80 years ago (“Mishkina Porridge” was written in 1938), adults trusted children more, and children were independent and knew how to make decisions. So the story not only makes you laugh, but also demonstrates an excellent example of children being responsible for their actions.
4.
