Inappropriate wording
Correct wording It is your fault that you have such a child. It so happens that your child has problems. Let's think about how to help him. What have you done for your child? Who did you turn to for help? How did you try to overcome the child’s difficulties and help him? Where were you before? Developmental changes can occur at any time. And now a lot can be changed. For this... Nothing will ever come of your child. Every child is capable of developing. We can offer you the following: ... and the child will take what he is able to take. You are not right. Yes, sure. But there is also this opinion: ... Why did you come? What worries you about your child?What kind of help are you expecting?
You may not listen to me, but in the end I will be right. I, as a specialist, believe... You can also contact... (where, to whom) and listen to their opinion.How is an interview different from a conversation?
For clients who have difficulty constructing a narrative, who are in a state of tension or anxiety, the interview form is used. Unlike a conversation, where the initiator of the dialogue is the client, the interview is structured by the consultant. Therefore, the structure of the interview is more rigid, has clear boundaries of permissibility and time limits. The conversation “flows” almost involuntarily, the duration depends on the client’s wishes and is limited only by the specialist’s capabilities. An interview balances on the verge of a survey; it is more limited in time, but more “energy-intensive” for the consultant, because Difficulties in expressing the client are associated with difficulties in building a dialogue. On the other hand, in an interview the consultant can influence the client’s position to a greater extent, therefore the techniques used in the interview are more varied.
The most well-known and often used in practice is a conversation-interview with parents in the process of primary consultation based on the classical scheme of J. Shvancara and V. Smekal. Here is the most general content:
1. Clarification of the nature of the request:
- What worries you about your child’s behavior (development) at the present time?
- Have you received help from specialists (and which ones) before? To what extent is this
was the help effective?
- What hopes do you place on the help of the person advising you?
specialist?
- How do you see the child's future?
2. Anamnestic information:
- From what pregnancy was the child born? How did it proceed
pregnancy and childbirth? What diseases did the mother suffer during pregnancy?
- How did the mother and family members feel about pregnancy?
- How was the newborn period? What diseases did the baby have during this period?
- Were there any peculiarities in the child’s behavior and relationship with his mother during the newborn period?
- Have you noticed any peculiarities in the baby's humming or babbling?
3. Characteristics of the child’s general and speech development:
- Features of a child’s free behavior at the present time: to what extent?
Does he quickly get used to a new environment, what and how does he play? How long can one play alone? Does he accompany his actions with sounds?
- Does the child adhere to a certain routine? Does the baby have
certain preferences in food, activities at home and outside?
- How does he react to strangers? Is it easy or difficult to enter into
adults and peers in contact?
- What specific character traits does the child have? In what
is his individuality or uniqueness expressed?
- What makes parents sad and what makes parents happy?
- How accurately does the baby understand the words addressed to him and what is his
own speech (sounds, babble, distorted individual words, monosyllabic phrases, etc.). Do his family understand the child? Who understands better?
- What intonations, facial expressions, and gestures accompany his speech?
- What everyday skills has the child mastered? What can he do on his own?
4. Characteristics of the child’s microenvironment:
- What is the attitude of family members towards the child (who is most strict with him,
soft, attentive, patient, etc.)? Who does the child interact with most often? Which adult, in your opinion, pays maximum attention to the baby?
- Educational goals in the family, the method of education, the conductor of this educational influence (significant adult).
When conducting conversations and interviews, the following psychotechniques are most often used: active listening, clarification, paraphrasing, reflection and summarizing. Separately, it is worth pointing out the use of the “I-statement” technique in establishing contact and an atmosphere of trust during initial consultation.
Active listening
Active listening is essentially the simplest technique and consists of the ability to remain silent without interfering with the speech of the interlocutor. This is an active process that requires attention. Depending on the situation, the consultant can express understanding, approval and support in short phrases or interjections. Active listening is most suitable for tense situations.
Sometimes active listening just helps an adult accept a situation that he cannot change. Active listening helps an adult express their feelings about a situation (they may be negative) and feel accepted by someone. The main requirement for active listening is not to “press” or stimulate the speaker, but just to actively listen.
Reflective listening, or listening with feedback, serves rather as a criterion for the accuracy of perception of what was heard. To be able to listen reflectively means to decipher the meaning of messages, to find out their real meaning.
When consulting parents on the problems of a young child, the specialist should focus on how the adult talks about the child: how often the child’s name is used in a monologue or when answering questions, and with what intonation the child’s characteristics are pronounced. An active listener in the person of a consultant encourages an adult to express painful issues. In many ways, this information will not concern the child at all, but the behavior, well-being, and experiences of the adult. In this case, the monologue takes on the shade of a confession, and the guarantee of the safety of this confession is intense or active listening, without comments or questions.
The next step in building a trusting relationship is the assurance that the information received in the conversation is confidential, and the specialist is responsible for its safety.
Finding out
This term does not at all mean that the specialist will “unwind” or “unearth” any circumstance of the adult’s story. Rather, he will be cautiously curious about certain important details. Clarification is an appeal to the speaker for clarification: “Please clarify, explain this... Repeat again...”. When using this technique, the consultant should monitor the intonation of his voice, because... persistence in finding out is alarming and contributes to the “closure” of the adult. Inappropriate clarification can spoil the overall impression of the specialist, so during the initial consultation you should refrain from clarifying any circumstances that are traumatic or hurt the self-esteem of an adult.
An example would be the following situation: clarifying the circumstances of the postpartum behavior of a mother who left her newborn child in the care of her mother-in-law and only returned to the family under pressure from her own parents. This circumstance seriously affected not only the relationship between the baby and the mother, but also had a negative impact on the development of the child’s speech. It is unlikely that you should “unearth” the situation if the adult himself mentions it in passing. Over time, the child’s mother herself took the initiative and spoke about this period of her life.
Paraphrasing
This technique consists of formulating the speaker’s message yourself to check its accuracy: “If I understand correctly, you are saying that... In other words, you believe...”. The technique is justified if the parent has difficulties in formulating a statement, as well as when clarifying some implausible or certainly distorted information. For example: the phrase of the child’s mother during the conversation “Pavlik is my third child, from my second pregnancy...” The discrepancy in the data prompted a cautious question from the specialist: “Did I understand correctly? Pavlik is the third child in the family... Are the older children twins?” It turned out that out of excitement, the boy’s mother mechanically indicated incorrect information. At that moment, she was thinking about how unfairly fate had decreed: the second birth had complications, but the child was developing normally. And Pavlik was born easily, although his development proceeds in a very unique way.
Reflection
By reflecting feelings, we show that we understand the speaker’s state, and also help him understand his emotional state: “It seems to me that you feel... You are probably very upset...”. Technology is very human. But not every consultant uses it when working with adults, because... there is a danger of “contagion”, emotional burnout. With a certain amount of artistry from the consultant, the technique gives positive dynamics in establishing close contact. But... “We are always responsible for those we have tamed...”. In other words, penetration into the experiences of another person and their mirror reflection is sometimes perceived as empathy for everything that the client talks about. Caution in using this technique primarily concerns the correctness of expressions and intonation of the consultant’s speech.
